Now that i am were i am!

now that i am were i am, i feel as though there is a long way to go. And i understand that's a normal thing but its killing me deep down inside knowing that tomorrow and the day after tomorrow is gonna be the same! were do i start. what do i do. i have accomplished minor goals but i want to go higher.

its confusing i know! im sick of being a dreamer, i want to go, runn away… far as possible. i feel safer by my self and when im out with random people i met months ago now considered as general friends.

theres so much  things im struggeling with, the first thing being study, then money savings then the horrer feeling of being lonely.

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS TOTALY FUCKED UP MAN! THIS SHIT IS HIPOCRITICAL! first minute im like yes then next im no.

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on a different note of the same topic, now that i am were i am, i feel theres more to come! there is way more hills and rocks on my road but you know what there are days that i am soooo pissed off at my

look you know what just pretend this post….. actually dont pretend ….… its a fact that this post is a total waste of anyones reading time …. sorry if anyone read this which i doubt anyone willl …. and thought of it as a waste of blogg space ….

 

to the rest of the world ….. PEACE!

RULES

this sux. the feeling sux its a feeling hard to describe, you know when your almost about to choke but then swallowing stops you! that feeling of a hammer continuously tapping into a nail non-stop! i hate this!

and to all the mother fuckers out there who think depressed people aren't grateful, SHUT THE FUK UP. coz bitch I'm grateful. yeh i fucked up but that's me. I'm not grateful for who i am but more grateful for the person deep down inside me!

I'm Sarah, non hardworking fool that loves to dream play pretend and imagine all the fuking time like snap the fuk out of it! i have no self guidance I'm so confused right now. i hear general stories about general people and how they love there life and i think to myself hey, i can do better than that. well no! I'm stuck in a wishing well busy trying to make other peoples wishes come true.

this feeling wont go away unless i find a solution, but how? were do i start if i have no self guidance and i don't no what the matter is? maybe there's too much going on maybe i just have to take things slow! but what if the slowness is the thing that's killing me, already halfway through the year and i feel like I've gone no were! I'm really unhappy with my mentality. why do i give a blind eye to things that are just so beautiful and the things that are understanding. i look so hard to find something. and when i do find that something i feel like I've found nothing.

i recently purchased….. yes purchased not invested, a ipad, i thought i was going to be excited but its not coming to me, its more of a yeah whatever kind of thing. maybe coz it costs soo much money and that i know that I'm gonna cop it from my brothers and sisters!

speaking of copping it from brothers and sisters, hell that just explains it all! i have once again for the millionth time in my living period, gave shit and hard time to my sister rim. yes her name is ‘Rim’! i cant help but buckle every time i speak to her. she makes me so nervous, i ask myself, have i done anything wrong am i crossing the line were am i and what  am i doing! is that normal. i am soooooooo sick of fucking rules! like fuck i just want to go out there and dance and never come to this hoe we so call sweet!

imagine being compared to people that you fucking hate so much you wish they were non existent. fuck this feeling. fuk everything. fuk you!

SARAH

Random “WHAT” browse!

Yesterday, was doing normal web  browsing and i typed “what” with a space after the word.. and this is what came up … 

it’s quite funny actually!

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Sarah  ♥

Getting a job.

so i have recently posted a blog about adjusting to reality. so far so slow. the only thing i have done  in this quick 2 weeks that have gone by is search for a job and and trying to get organised. ok, its a good step but i feel as if I'm moving at a slow pace and things aren't happening the way i imagined it. thought getting a job would be easy but uts not, all asking for a resume …. and i have NOO experience what so ever… and i don't see myself working in subway or maccas! HELPPPPP ….
ILL post tomorrow and emphasize on this topic.. 
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Sarah  ♥

Welcome To Reality!

so its the first actual day of buming around, i dont plan 0n doing that the rest of my life but what i mean is that i have official finished school. Evereything related to school is completed part from the formal which i am gladly not attending. i dunno, part of me wants to go but then i completly change my mind and give an excuse like “id rather spend $90 with family outting because i know and trust that they love me and have my back”. okay so im not saying that my true friends dont love me, i know they do, they have my back and i have there’s and if they didnt then they wouldnt be my true friends and i love em for that.

okay so it’s crunch time, i have to do alot of things to prepare myself for my extended future. i need to find a job and earn alot of money. save save SAVE! im always asking my family for money, okay thats not a bad thing and all but still i owe tem heaps and its not a good fealing when you ask a lot and get use  to it and not ralise until later on that your spoilt like rotten and dont appreciate it at the time and take real advantage of it. yeh being spoilt as major! its cool but i feel selfish at times like all of my friends are soo much more indioendant than me in some other ways, most of them have acsess to their own accounts and budgets to consider, but me, no. when i want soem money or change or just something even im not afraid to ask for it. i ask mostly my sisters and mum and ultimatly i get it. the other day i asked for $10 to pay of a memory card, i got that and more. she gave me $10 + $50 just incase.

whats my motivation you ask? i know how it feels to be nothing, well thats how i use to think of myself when i was hanging out with people that only cared about “what happened at the party last night”. they will get their day and time, i hope they feel what i was feeling so that they can learn. or you know what i honestly dont care because i know that their not going anywhere in life and if i say i hope thay feel that feeling, that will only make themm better then me so here’s to letting go and letting it flow! yeh friends come and go but true friends stay!



Sarah  ♥